How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Randomize
