well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
