I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
