when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
