Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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