"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
