a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
