she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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