Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
