Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Holy shit dude........stairs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
