Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
