Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
