I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
