I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
