I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
