oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
