Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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