you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
