You smell like a Billy Joel song
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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