dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I will be naked everywhere
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
