k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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