So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
