mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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