Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
did i walk over a car last night?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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