I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
