I want to have your abortion
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
