Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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