i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
