lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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