how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
