Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
