I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
