at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
