I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
