i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
