if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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