How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
