Whod you bang
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
