so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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