Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
