he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
