only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
