Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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