Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
