HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
