I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
