Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I want a musical about memes.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
