Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
