he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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