I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
