Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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