yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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